I repeat it like a mantra, “I wish I could disappear I wish I could disappear I wish I could disappear I wish I could disappear I wish I could disappear….”
I can’t remember the last time I felt like this — it’s been a while since I wished myself into oblivion. But he has a way of fucking with my head. It was a 15-minute appointment and the repercussions are still here to be dealt with 2 hours later.
It causes a cascade of Bad Feelings, so now not only am I dealing with the PTSD of it all, but I’m also dealing with major self-loathing and self-destructive urges.
I need something to look forward to. I need to eat dinner. I need to disappear.