just about every time i attempt to put thoughts to page, my words scatter. i know what i feel and what i mean to convey, but my words are clunky. there are things i want to say about getting over J, about M, about my own ability to be present to my life. // something about how the relationships in my life are inviting me to be more intentional re: how and where i spend my time and energy. // monogamy hangovers. // the way i limit access to myself, and in what ways i do. the drive to limit access, and what that’s all about (i’m not sure, but i think it’s attachment-related). // the deep love & care i feel for specific people in my life and how they have shaped the person i am. // how L & B each have the ability to calm my storms and get me back to solid ground. // the experience of being seen, and actually wanting to be seen. // the way you said my name on saturday night, more than once. the way you yelled it before you got into the car on sunday. the validation i experienced. // precision in communication // the bluest eyes // carte blanche // anticipation & the flip side — frustration // learning to navigate my internal world as i newly navigate the external world in relationships // “resilient, witty, generous” // …
